Have you ever felt that huge barrier of energy to get back into things you used to be good at? I’ve felt this in piano, writing, working out, and now, being back in an academic environment. With biking, the first mile always feels hard, but the second mile feels a little easier because your body is getting used to it. At the same, it’s important to know your own limits and not push too hard to the point of exhaustion. That’s how it has been for me these past two weeks of my PhD.
The past two weeks of classes zoomed by with my classes, teaching, and lab exploration. So far, grad school is what I expected. I’m busy with my routine, and I’m productive during the day. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted. Not just from what I’m doing, but also the physical toll from walking 3-5 miles per day with a 20 lb backpack (I’ve never weighed it, but it feels heavy.)
Currently I’m only taking two classes: Chemistry of Inorganic Materials and Physical Chemistry of Macromolecules. Both classes are small (15 and 5 students, respectively). Unlike undergrad classes where I could hide amongst 50-250+ people, there’s no hiding here.
As for teaching, I teach a discussion and lab section for Advanced General Chemistry. They weren’t kidding when they said advanced. It’s like what I learned in general chemistry 1, 2, and a little bit of organic chemistry in one semester. It’s challenging for me to keep up as the TA, but it is good review.
Usually, we would have started lab rotations already. However, for the past month, the chemistry building has been shut down due to construction issues. Instead of lab rotations, we were encouraged to do lab exploration instead.
Despite being busy with my routine, I’ve kept myself grounded and focused on doing things to have a successful transition this semester. The things that have helped me are:
- Prioritizing my schedule and focuses
- Knowing my own reasons for doing things
- Recognizing my own progress and transformation to appreciate where I am now.
Prioritize your schedule and focuses.
Right now, I have Tuesdays as work from home days because I don’t have any classes. Even though I have a blank calendar, sometimes I feel like there’s a lot for me to do, and never enough time to get it done.
When this happens to me, I focus on completing the very important items. To do this, first I braindump all the tasks that I want to accomplish. For this particular Tuesday it was:
- Go grocery shopping
- Cook dinner/lunch for the week
- Read my textbook
- Plan my teaching lesson
- Do website client work
- Write my blog post
This is a long list for one day, and I realize that I can’t get all these things done in one day.
From this list, I chose 1 task to be my main priority: reading my textbook. I chose this task by asking myself, “What would make me feel most successful even if I did nothing else today?” or “Which task would clear up the most mental space from my mind?”
After coming home from the grocery store, I planned to read before I started cooking or doing anything else. I knew that if I started doing other things, I would feel too tired to read. I also started time-tracking how long it takes me to do tasks.
My time-tracking spreadsheet (there are apps for this too but I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole, so I keep it simple).
After I finished reading my textbook, my mind felt clear and at peace, and I enjoyed cooking and writing later that day. I didn’t get to planning my teaching lesson or website work, but that’s OK because it wasn’t my top priority!
When you feel like you have so many things to do, here’s what you can do:
- Braindump your tasks
- Ask yourself, “What would make me feel most successful even if I did nothing else today?” or “Which task would clear up the most mental space from my mind?”
- Complete that task first.
- Repeat for other tasks.
I also want to thank Dr. Toyin Alli for teaching me these tips in her book, Gradboss, and Youtube channel, The Academic Society! She has amazing content on time management and productivity for grad students.
Know the reason behind your decisions and support yourself.
Do you struggle with making powerful decisions for yourself in your life? Most of the time you already know what you want to do, deep down, but you have to uncover it.
Recently, I attended a seminar about applying for the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship Program (NSF GRFP). Basically, it is a prestigious fellowship awarded to graduate students in STEM.
I applied for this program once as a senior in undergrad with mediocre/disparate ratings. Due to eligibility rules, I can only apply once as a graduate student. Originally, I didn’t plan to apply this year, until I learned that we were only evaluated with people in our year (ex: all first-years are evaluated in the same pool, instead of first and second years in one pool).
I thought this could potentially improve my chances because that could possibly mean that it would be somewhat less competitive. With the feedback from my previous application and my work in STEM/website design, I felt more confident in preparing my application. However, if I waited, I could have more time to prepare, but it could possibly be more competitive.
I couldn’t decide what to do, so I asked for others’ opinions – Twitter, my roommate (a 4th year grad student who applied for the NSF before), and my undergrad PI. The Twitter poll said that I should do it, and my roommate said it depends on how prepared I feel to write a research proposal.
I was still unsure, so I started emailing my undergrad PI since I trusted her opinion in this area. As I gave her some context, I started writing “I know it’s only a month out.” Then I knew what I wanted to do, and didn’t send the email.
I decided NOT to apply for NSF GRFP this year because I don’t want to rush it with only a month to go. If I’m going to do it, I want to do it in a planned and relaxed way. It’s important for me to do things slowly and without pressure.
What I needed was not to ask for everyone’s opinions, but to uncover what I truly wanted to do deep down. For me, that was by “talking” it out with someone I trusted, recognizing the feelings that popped up and remembering what I value.
It can be scary to make these big, life-changing decisions for yourself. Ultimately, only you know what’s best for you, so find ways to cultivate your inner voice. This could be through writing, talking it out with yourself, meditation, etc.
Recognize your progress and transformation to appreciate where you are now.
Sometimes we get so deep into our routines that we forget to appreciate the progress and transformation we’ve made.
I received a homework from my Chemistry of Inorganic Materials class, which was about crystal structures and other related 3D calculations. In undergrad, I took a course called Materials Science in engineering and struggled with visualizing 3D structures. I couldn’t keep up and ended up dropping the course.
Now I’m the type of person who finishes the homework early, confident in my answers, and able to help others and answer their questions. Being the person who knows things has been a strange identity shift for me. Sometimes I doubt myself because I feel a little TOO confident. My brain starts overthinking because things are going well. Common thoughts include “I can’t keep this up,” and “I shouldn’t be so confident because I might be wrong.”
I’ve been challenging these thoughts and reminding myself that it’s ok for things to go well and be naturally easy. Enjoying things going well can be hard especially when we’ve been taught lthat we have to work hard and struggle to succeed.
If you feel like you’re doubting your own success, like you don’t belong or have imposter syndrome, let yourself enjoy the moment of being where you are, the process that got you here, and the result of your transformation. Remember where you were before and where you are now. Be proud of yourself for how much you’ve grown and how far you’ve come!
I hope that you enjoyed reading about my personal experience and takeaways from my chemistry PhD journey. If you’d like to chat more about what I’ve shared, feel free to send me an email at hello@brittanytrinh.com or send me a message on Twitter and Instagram @brttnytrnh.