This week I accomplished 2 things I’ve never done before: I swam in 8 ft deep water and I started my chemistry PhD classes.

It has been nearly 3 years since I’ve been in school, and I thought I had forgotten what it was like to be a student.

But I didn’t. During the week before classes started, I couldn’t sleep well – just like in undergrad. I dreamt about not knowing the answer, missing classes or tests, or being ignored by professors. Clearly, I was anxious about classes starting.

What if I did not live up to all of my talk about being more prepared for grad school? What if somehow I failed out in the first semester and went home in shame? What if I was not cut out for this?

Instead of giving these thoughts more power, I swat them away like flies. They appear every so often, but I don’t let them distract me from what I’m doing. I’m reminded again of these 3 lessons I’ve learned from being a student again:

Everyone goes at their own pace.

The main topic of conversation around my cohort these days is group joining. At my university, we get to rotate in 3 different lab groups for 3 weeks each before we officially commit. (I think this is a luxury. Who else gets to try out different workplaces before they sign? When applying for jobs, I would be lucky to get two offers, but it has never happened.)

It can be easy for me to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. Some people are “ahead” because they did summer rotations and they already know which group they want to join. Others are doing informal rotations or speaking to many professors and grad students in meetings and coffee chats.

In the past, I would have spiraled into thinking that I was behind and gotten caught up in my own mind drama. However, I did not want to feel this way, so I thought about what I could do instead. And then I remembered a skill that I learned as a resident advisor (RA): logging interactions.

As an RA, we checked in with our residents weekly and logged interactions. Logging interactions meant keeping track of who we spoke to, when we spoke to them, and what we spoke about. It helped us remember people and conversations and build better connections.

Interactions can include any type of contact- emails, 1:1 chats, group meetings- so long as we either learned something new, made progress in building the relationship. Ultimately it is not about the number of interactions, but the QUALITY of them.

Now I’m adapting this process to the group joining/lab rotation process. Instead of immersing myself in what others are doing, I’m choosing to set the intention of getting at least 5 meaningful per week for the next few months. By doing this, I can see my own progress and feel at peace with myself, knowing that I’m taking things at my own pace.

My plan is to note in my planner during the week and log them through a Google form at the end of the week so it’s all in one place. The Google form has the following fields:

• Name
• Date
• Method of Interaction (email, in person, group mtg, social event, etc)
• Description (what happened, anything that stood out to you, things to follow up on, etc)

This will definitely make the process much less overwhelming for me. Networking is much easier and less daunting when you think of it as making friends and building genuine connections with people through meaningful interactions.

Focus on one thing at a time.

I’ve always been a side hustler. First, it was piano, then it was piano and ballet, and by high school, piano and violin. When I came to college, it became the Non-music Major Orchestra, being a resident advisor, and working in undergraduate research. After I got my job, I started my web design business.

Although I enjoyed everything that I did, I fell into the trap of wanting everything at once. As a result, EVERYTHING was important. I skipped meals and slept late to work on my multitude of responsibilities. Everything got done, but there were many times where I was not healthy or happy. Ever since that happened, I’ve gotten better at knowing when to stop myself before I reach that point.

When I was researching about my university, I was excited to find out that there was an orchestra open for non-music majors. I wanted to sign up so badly, but I knew that I did not want to fall into the same trap again. Instead, I resisted and signed up only for the two core classes required. I’m also scaling back on my web design business plans. I was excited to launch a new product and relaunch my client portal, but that’s on the back burner for now.

I’ve always defined myself by the things I’ve done outside of being a student or working a 9-5. It’s weird for me to not have other things to do. I know it’s not the end – I’m choosing to pause everything else so that I can focus on one thing at a time. Right now, it’s being a happy and productive grad student, which is good enough for me.

Find moments of joy every day.

Do you feel like you’re always on the grind and there’s no time to enjoy what you’re doing?

That’s how I used to feel in undergrad. Every day I followed my schedule and stayed super focused. When I look back now, I remember studying and stressing, but I rarely remember the moments where I enjoyed my life. With classes back in session, it can be easy to forget to enjoy the present moment. But I don’t want to make the same mistake I did as an undergrad.

That’s why I want to make space to enjoy my time here. For me, that includes exploring study spaces on campus, having a relaxed lunch on the terrace with friends, and giving myself permission to do one thing at a time and not feel rushed.

When we go through days without enjoying the present moment we may also forget to be grateful to be where we are. I don’t want to forget how immensely grateful I am to have this opportunity. This has been my goal for the last 5 years. It’s not something that I chose lightly.

Find small ways to enjoy where you are right now. Appreciate the present moment and celebrate yourself, because you made it here.

Up Next

Classes will probably pick up this week, especially in my macromolecules class. With my TAing, I’ll be subbing for the first time this week and teaching a lab. So far, teaching reminds me of what I’ve done as an RA, so I will be leaning on those skills again.

This week, I’m going to spend more time on group exploration. I’m hoping some professors and grad students will respond to my emails for informational interviews/meetings. I’ll also be attending group meetings.

I told my roommate that I felt suspicious of the free time that I had this week. My roommate is a fourth year grad student, so she said she can always help me find things to do. She suggested that I read a few papers from each group so that I can understand their group meetings better. I totally forgot that this was something I needed to do.

I mentioned that my main focus right now is to be a happy and productive grad student. I recently watched this video from Juliana Han about “once a pianist, always a pianist.” It inspired me to incorporate piano back into my routine, since I’m not in orchestra. I have some pieces that I want to finish learning, so I’m aiming to play at least 3-4 times per week for about 15-30 mins each.

I hope that you enjoyed reading about my personal experience and takeaways from my chemistry PhD journey. If you’d like to chat more about what I’ve shared, feel free to send me an email at hello@brittanytrinh.com.