In this episode, I share my experience of coping with homesickness as a graduate student over the years.
I moved 1,100 miles away from Houston, Texas to Madison, Wisconsin to pursue a PhD in chemistry. My family didn’t understand what a PhD was, but more education was always better in their eyes. It was something I wanted for at least five years, to do research while getting my PhD. However, after the first few months of starting my PhD, I realized that this would be more difficult than I imagined, but not for the reasons that I anticipated. With all the changes and transitions in such a short time frame, I was a mixed bag of emotions during the first semester of graduate school. During the day, I was really productive and motivated. I was busy teaching and taking classes.
I met a lot of new people every day and was friendly enough to become acquainted with a lot of people initially. I focused on being my best self while trying to find a research group to join so that the group members and the professors would accept me into the group by the end of my first semester. Even though I met and talked with people constantly, my connections felt really surface level. Despite that, I tried to enjoy my experience in a new town, like walking and hanging by the lake and discovering the local cafes and shops. Having a routine helps me stay focused and not worry too much about other things.
By October 2021, I wanted to find something to help me feel more like myself. That’s when I joined the UW-Madison Medical Sciences Orchestra. When I joined, I met so many people who were just like me, pursuing a different field, usually medicine or STEM, but also they wanted to improve their musical skills and abilities. Being in this community reenergized me and gave me something to look forward to at the end of the week, especially if I had a rough week. Finding a community outside of work and academics helped me feel like I belong somewhere.
It didn’t completely cure my homesickness, but it made me feel less alone. Once I joined a research group in my second semester, I felt like I belonged a little bit more. I made friends in my research group and grew my friendships here. And I really leaned into making this place as my second home, making it cozy and comfortable. Even though I was enjoying living independently away from home, there were still times where I felt guilty for being away.
During the semester, I had many low periods where I wondered if I made the right choice doing a PhD so far away. I tried to resist the homesickness, and I thought it was a problem. But maybe it’s not a problem, it’s just a part of this process. As of right now, I still believe where I am is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I believe that this PhD this entire process is worth it. I also accept that this undercurrent of homesickness is something I will always carry with me until I return home. The PhD is hard enough without fighting the burdens that we carry. The best we can do is choose thoughts to help us make it through.
I’m in my fourth year, and I can say that I now know how to manage my homesickness and grief better than I did initially. It doesn’t really go away, and some days are still better than others, but I’ve learned to embrace the current life stage that I’m in. I know that this is temporary, so I wanna focus on doing the best I can in my PhD and making the most of my experience. This PhD journey is just one part of my life, and after this, life will go on. I’ll move back to Houston and reunite with my loved ones. Even though it’s challenging at times, I hope that after all of this, I’ll look back and cherish the memories that I’ve made here.
To anyone out there who has spent their life in one place like I have, know that the first couple months away are a very hard transition. You packed up your belongings and moved to a completely new place. You’re doing something that probably not many people you know end up doing, or even understand. You’re adjusting and acclimating and trying to find your way around. It takes time to create a new life and a new routine that can make the place feel more like home. And it’s normal to feel like a mixed bag of emotions like I did, excitement, guilt, worry, doubt, grief, hope. It took me almost three years to finally consider Madison as my second home.
Eventually, wherever you are will start to feel like home for you too. How great it is for us to have two places that we can call home.
Credits:
- Intro excerpt, read from Breaking Through: My Life in Science by Katalin Kariko
- Piano excerpts: La vallée des cloches from Miroirs by Maurice Ravel, performed by Thérèse Dussaut (piano), from a recital at the Salle de Pleyel, Paris, March 1975; Publisher: Pandora Records/Al Goldstein Archive
- Orchestra excerpt: Symphony No. 8, 1st mvt by Antonin Dvorak, performed by the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health Medical Sciences Orchestra (Fall 2023)
- Ending song: Gypsy Songs, Op. 55 by Antonin Dvorak, performed by Jennifer Johnson Cano (mezzo-soprano), Christopher Cano (piano); Publisher: Boston, Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum
Brittany Trinh 